My friend asked me today how I thought I was going to die in the future. Morbid, I know.
This was my response:
“I think I’ll die from a car accident. The irony of life, you know? I’m going to die from the very thing that I am most afraid of…”
With a degree in psychology, I feel like I am always trying to diagnose myself. Do I have depression or a panic disorder? Do I have anxiety or PTSD? Honestly, I don’t know. I can’t afford to go to a therapist and seeking help for mental health problems is just not common in the Chinese community. All I know is this: I’ve been in 2 car accidents and I’ve developed a fear of driving for more than 5 years now. One was in 2010 and the other in 2013. The first one was my fault and scared me off driving at night and in the rain for a few years. The second one was the other driver’s fault. My friend and I were t-boned on the fast country roads near my college. This one was bad. That feeling of thinking your friend has died right next to you is one that sticks with you for awhile. These 2 accidents have definitely affected my psyche that I worry more about getting to an event’s location than about the actual event. I worry I’ll fall asleep at the wheel. I worry about drunk drivers. I’ve found that I can never relax in a car anymore. I can drive local roads and to places I’ve been to thousands of times, but tell me to drive a highway? Nope. Count me out.
So readers, should I start seeking therapy? Any thoughts?